I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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