I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
