remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
