I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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