get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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