Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
