party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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