I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
