trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
