I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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