They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
