my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
