I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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