i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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