we have pet lesbian snakes
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
