mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
