Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
