They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
