Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
