a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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