Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
