just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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