are you so shy because you have an std?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
