Sponge bath it is.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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