People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
