nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
