a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
