i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
