Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
