I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
