we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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