ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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