u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
