Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
