I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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