Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
