after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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