My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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