the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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