My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
