Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i believe in u and ur pee
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
