thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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