SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
