What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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