K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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