I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
