I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
