so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
