i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
