And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
