At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
