so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
