So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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