I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
