She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
