toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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